There is a great debate in the Globe and Mail today about whether Yahoo’s fired CEO, Carol Bartz should not have used the word “Fcuk” at work. (You’ll have to read the article on page B14 as I can’t find a link.) “Using profanity on the job can make you look unprofessional – but it can also be a good motivational tool.” Apparently it’s no good in a job interview (who knew?) but good for women to use to put men at ease. (What? It doesn’t put men at ease, it just titillates us.) It’s good in some areas of the world, not so good in others, it works in some industries but not in others. It can diffuse tense situations but make others more tense. Huh?

OMG, what is the world coming to when one must worry about a well placed “Fcuk” every now and then?  The next thing you know they’ll be putting in a “No Touching” rule, banning Filterless Fridays, and putting the kibosh on Topless Tuesdays. (Please note that I finally agreed that Topless Tuesdays was not mandatory but optional at work.)

Given the predilection to create employment standards I can envision a day when HR departments the world over have to develop policies around the use of the term “Fcuk.” In an effort to help the development of such policies, I have prepared the following rules:

Policies regarding the use of the word “Fcuk” in the workplace.

1. In general, the word “Fcuk” shall not be used outside closed offices or meeting rooms unless one is still working after 9:00 PM.
2. The word may be used at will by consenting adults who are engaged in a workplace affair.
3. After several drinks at a workplace function, the word may be sprinkled into conversation at random if desired.
4. The word “Fcuk” is encouraged in meetings where the actions of upper management are discussed by subordinates. In this case, the adjective “Fcuking” may be used as appropriate.
5. It may only be used as a noun and never as a verb.
6. If used in writing it should be referred to as the “F Word” because that really fools everyone.