by Charles Plant | May 23, 2013 | Leadership Development
Many years ago, a friend of mine spent six years trying to find a way to deal effectively with a particularly difficult person and in one tense moment, finally blew up from all of the pent-up strain. So what do you think happened? You guessed it. My friend got in trouble. He had ‘meetings’ about the incident with several people, was asked to get a coach to help him deal with the situation and I suspect his performance appraisal reflected the incident. And this all occurred in spite of numerous complaints from multiple people about the DP.
I had a customer a few years ago that was another one of those difficult people. I played along for many months until the situation got the better of me and guess what, I’m no longer a supplier. After all this time you would think I’ve figured out how to deal with this type of situation but no, all I have figured out is what not to do.
Here they are, seven things not to do with difficult people:
- Don’t fight back, it doesn’t work.
- Don’t jump to your own defence. The DP doesn’t care about you.
- Don’t complain, no one listens.
- Don’t give in, that’s what the DP wants.
- Temporary paralysis is an option but not very effective.
- Don’t sulk. No one likes a pouter.
- Don’t be a martyr, we don’t promote victims.
And tomorrow, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The answer to the question: What should you do?
by Charles Plant | May 22, 2013 | Leadership Development
I ask the question with all the right intentions. Could you actually be one of those difficult people that you hate so much? I don’t think any of us realize that we can at times be difficult.
Me, I’ve been guilty of yelling, being a frequent critic and being slightly bullying at times. I hope I don’t do this often enough to be known as one of those difficult people but then you never know.
Take stock of your behaviour and try to figure out whether there are times that you can be difficult and you might be surprised at the answer.
The thing is that if you want to get things done, I believe that there are actually times that you need to be difficult. There are times that you’ll need to resort to quasi obnoxious behaviours to get your way. Sometimes a single minded dedication to something requires a bit of difficult behaviour.
But just a bit. So go out today and get something done by being difficult. Just don’t do it again tomorrow.
by Charles Plant | May 21, 2013 | Leadership Development
Reading about Rob Ford on the weekend brought to mind all of the difficult people I have had to deal with in my career. Not as many as some I would imagine as I’ve spent most of my life out of the business mainstream but enough to know that it isn’t pretty.
Difficult personalities come in all stripes and flavours (perhaps in Ford’s case it is all shapes and sizes.)
- The boss or customer who moves the goal posts.
- The yeller or loud talker.
- The ones whose erratic behaviour makes it difficult to predict what’s next.
- The bully.
- The stonewaller.
- The perpetual critic.
The thing that is common to all of them is control. They seek to control a situation, to control you, and in this way get what they want because you’ll be to scared or terrified not to meet their needs.
Difficult people are that way because it works for them. They find what they get what they want by being difficult. For some reason, it’s a strategy that works, even over the long term.
What continually amazes me is how people put up with difficult people for so long. Why are we so slow to invalidate them, to get them out of the way? Why do we let ourselves be led by the Rob Fords of the world?
by Charles Plant | May 16, 2013 | Leadership Development
I feel like I’m opening up another can of worms in this subject of being open to feedback. For some reason, I am continually finding things that are normally seen as simple in the blogosphere are really quite problematic.
Case in point: Today I was having a tea with Joe Wilson, a colleague from MaRS days. He was talking about the feedback entrepreneurs get about their business and when should they listen to the feedback and when shouldn’t they? It’s one thing to be open to feedback but as I questioned yesterday, who should you listen to and then today I’ll ask the question: What Feedback Counts?
So you have someone whose opinion you respect but should you listen to the feedback? What is good feedback and what is bad feedback? What should you take in and what should you ignore?
Many years ago when we were starting Synamics we got a piece of advice from Bob Ferchat, the CEO of Nortel that we should learn to swim in our own bay before going out in the big lake. What he meant was learn to make it in Canada before going to export markets. Worse piece of advice I ever got as it impeded our growth for years. We were open to feedback and we were listening to the right person but should his feedback have counted? In retrospect I would have to say no.
Unfortunately I don’t have an answer for what feedback counts and I’m not sure I ever will. All I’ve learned in the past few years is that it’s not all about the logic. You need to listen to your gut as well as your mind. If they both say listen then do. If either says don’t listen then don’t.
by Charles Plant | May 15, 2013 | Leadership Development
I was watching the finale of Survivor last night (I had totally forgotten it on Sunday) and saw some particularly interesting exchanges between contestants. Numerous failed contestants were critiquing the performance of successful ones and it made me wonder. Being open for feedback is one thing but who do you listen to? (Or correctly stated, to whom do you listen?)
- If you’re a working stiff, do you ned to always listen to your boss?
- Should you always listen to customers?
- How about direct reports, co-workers etc?
- Your family, friends or even your mom?
In starting a business, I am struggling with this right now. I pride myself on being open to feedback but I’m getting too many different messages to be able to figure out who I should be listening to.
I figure the key thing is that as long as you’re open to feedback, it will all work itself out. The minute you’re not open to feedback from someone or some group then you run the risk of missing some nugget of truth.
It all comes down to something I’ve said before. You have to wake up each morning thinking that everything you know could be wrong. If you don’t think this then you might miss some very important piece of feedback.
You have to be open for feedback but that doesn’t mean you have to take it.
by Charles Plant | May 14, 2013 | Leadership Development
There’s a lot of bloviating going on out there on the net on the topic of being open to feedback. I was talking to someone the other day about what I was doing here and they asked if I wanted feedback and that got me thinking. Am I open enough to it?
So I went on the net to find out more on the subject and as a result, think that we may be thinking of being open to feedback in the wrong way. Most sites out there give all sorts of info on why being open to feedback is important and how to do it. BORING.
I think it all comes down to vulnerability. If we aren’t vulnerable, we won’t be open to feedback. You need to be vulnerable to put yourself out there, to create something, to stand up and speak for what you believe in, to welcome change.
As Brene Brown says, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. The problem is that if you can’t be vulnerable then you won’t be open to feedback or criticism.
And if you can be vulnerable then you’ll be looking for feedback. This is what good innovators, creative types and change artists have to be. They might not be open to verbal feedback but the ultimate criticism is to have your work, your ideas, your efforts rejected.
The big corollary to all this is that if you aren’t open to feedback then you aren’t being vulnerable. This means you aren’t putting your best foot forward. You aren’t giving it your all, stretching yourself to create.
If you can’t be open to feedback, if you can’t be vulnerable, why bother even showing up?
Many years ago, a friend of mine spent six years trying to find a way to deal effectively with a particularly difficult person and in one tense moment, finally blew up from all of the pent-up strain. So what do you think happened? You guessed it. My friend got in trouble. He had ‘meetings’ about the incident with several people, was asked to get a coach to help him deal with the situation and I suspect his performance appraisal reflected the incident. And this all occurred in spite of numerous complaints from multiple people about the DP.
